Clarina Bezzola

Brooklyn, 2016

Who was I, when I still felt my body?

How would it feel to move about without thinking all the time, without
worrying, without explaining myself?

How would it feel to wax and wane like a jellyfish?

Yes, I did dream of becoming something special,
I wanted to know myself, wanted to be powerful.

Yesterday on my way to work when I stepped out of the bus,
I tripped into a puddle and my shoe fell off.
My awkwardly naked foot sunk deep into the brown mud.
Everyone around froze. I watched them closely.
What horror!

How would Julia Brooks from my favorite TV show deal with this now?
Imagining that this was not me, I pulled my foot out and quickly limped
to a hiding spot in a doorway to put my shoe back on,
mud and all.

I need to get to work on time.

Back in my cubicle
I can’t forget about the strange feeling of the mud against my skin.
So silky. So smooth.
Is it a crazy idea to go back to that puddle,
step in again to take a bath,
dive in and spread my arms far and wide and grow in all directions?

Clarina Bezzola